Last night Hayden slept 5 hours straight. Her lack of sleeping - consecutively- any amount of time whatsoever is a whole other story entirely that I will share with you one day soon, but if you've been wondering who that twitching, mumbling, scratching-at-sores-that-aren't-there woman is huddled in the corner, that's me. I have recently fallen completely off the edge of the crazy abyss from lack of sleep.
Anyway, back to last night. She slept. FIVE. WHOLE. HOURS. Without waking up, screaming, crying, throwing binkys and teddies from her crib. The child sawed some serious zzzz's. Me, I should have woken up refreshed and slightly befuddled to be getting my first wake up call at 3am. I should have danced to her room to sweep her chubby little body from her crib and smother her with kisses for the blessing of FIVE. WHOLE. HOURS. of sleep.
Instead, enter irony with a capital I. Her daddy had to go fetch her, because me? I had just begun to doze off. I, brainiac that I am, let my prescription run out yesterday, and since you know I was already at the imaginary-sore-scratching stage, there was no sleep for me. None. I woke up more last night with her sleeping than I have the entire last weekend of her waking every hour. I was up every ten minutes, and my mind was teasing me. Letting me think I was dropping...off...into...blissfu... WAKE UP!!! WAKE UP!!! YOU HAVE TO CHECK THE LOCKS! DID YOU GET HAYDEN'S TEDDY AWAY FROM HER FACE? MAYBE SHE'S NOT ASLEEP, MAYBE SHE'S SMOTHERED BY THE DAMN BEAR THE BOOK (OH GOD, the BOOK!) SAID YOU SHOULD USE TO SETTLE HER TO SLEEP INSTEAD OF YOU. ARE ALL THE LIGHTS OFF? ARE YOU SURE YOU SHUT THE REFRIGERATOR DOOR? YES, I KNOW THERE'S AN ALARM THAT WILL SOUND IF YOU DIDN'T, BUT WHAT IF THE ALARM IS BROKEN AND IT DOESN'T GO OFF AND YOU LEFT THE DOOR OPEN AND EVERYTHING ROTS??? WHAT THEN, HUH? EVERYTHING WILL ROT. NOTHING WILL BE GOOD AGAIN. EVER.
This is the point in time I start cursing myself for forgetting to get my prescription refilled. What prescription, you ask? The one that shuts her up. No, not Hayden "her". The one doing all the yelling in my head, "her". The one that decides 11:53 pm is a good time to ask me HEY, DID YOU REMEMBER TO TELL LAUREN THE COLOR OF THE SALES CABINET FOR THE NACS SHOW? DID YOU REMEMBER TO ORDER THE SALES CABINET AT ALL? WHAT ABOUT PEG HOOKS? YOU HAVEN'T EVEN MENTIONED PEG HOOKS TO HER. ARE YOU USING THE OLD KIND OR NEW KIND? WHAT LENGTH? HOW MANY? OH! AND WHAT ABOUT...
Seriously. If anyone knows a different way to shut her up, be my guest. These days, thanks to all the wonky hormones and the amazing experience of becoming a mom (honestly, I mean that. It's freaking amazing and totally worth the side of crazy that I did not order), the only way I can tackle her chatty ass to the ground and duct tape her gigantic mouth shut so I can just go to sleep already, for goodness' sake!! is to use my new little pills that knock her unconscious for a few hours, which coincidentally let's me sleep too. Or work, or function like a normal human being. Cuts down on the sore-scratching a bit, anyway, although I swear I'm taking that back up if Hayden doesn't go off her sleep-strike soon.
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