...for the first of what I am sure will be many times.
As I mentioned earlier this week, Hayden's been sick. So I stayed out of work with her Tuesday to take care of all the errands, precriptions, baby wrangling and subsequent baby cuddling required to make a wee one feel better. We spent the entire day together - playing, crying, nursing, napping, listening to (me) and swatting at (her) doctors and nurses.
So when Hayden's daddy came home, she was of course happy to see him and went right to him, snuggling into his arms and clapping his shoulder and squealing with delight. They talked and cuddled for a few minutes, then he started to hand her back to me so he could go get something, and that's when it happened. She reached out and grabbed my heart right out of my chest, squeezed it in her tiny fist, then flung it to the ground like a toy she was bored of, shattering it into itty bitty pieces.
As I reached for her, she took that cute, chubby little arm, reached out and with her sweet, angelic little fingers, pried my hand off her waist and flung it off like an offending bit of filth that dared to touch her darling little outfit. And then she spun around and clung to her daddy's neck and refused to look at me.
After all this time of being a mama's girl, I can feel the tide a changing. And it's a bitter cold wind blowing those waves.
Honestly, part of me is overjoyed to see her bonding so well with her daddy. I'm glad that he's a comfort to her, and it thrills me to see her face light up when he comes home each day. I know that makes things easier on him when I'm not around, and for that I'm grateful. It still doesn't mean that her choosing him over me didn't cut like a knife. And even though moments later she was ready to come to mama, the hurt of that rejection still stings. And I know it's just the first of many. I know there will come a time when she doesn't want to kiss me goodbye in the mornings. A time when she'll want me to let her out around the corner so her friends don't see her mom drove her. A time when she'll just want some money and to be let out at the door of the mall because it's too 'uncool' to be seen with me. And I know all of these things are my just desserts, because I inflicted the same pain on my mom, on both my parents, I know.
I just wasn't prepared for that inevitable pulling away to start so soon!
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