MOTHER's Act

This post is for all mothers out there. Those who have suffered with post-partum mood and anxiety disorders, and those blessed enough to have passed through that period unscathed.

I am a new mother, but I have learned volumes in my few short months as a mom about the terror and devastation these issues can wreak on a mother, father, child and family.

It is estimated that 15-20% of new moms - about 1 million in the US each year - suffer from post-partum depression. This is not the baby blues. It is a debilitating mood disorder that a mother cannot just "snap out of" or "suck it up and get over". It is one that requires support and treatment, sometimes medical, essential in helping the mother, baby and family recover.

Many people are unaware that there is a spectrum of mood and anxiety disorders beyond post-partum depression that mothers can also suffer from. Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders include antepartum depression, postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD, postpartum psychosis and postpartum post-traumatic stress disorder. These women are not defective, or weak, or bad people. While the exact cause of these illnesses is not yet known, research shows there are a wide variety of risk factors, from family medical history, to how one's body processes certain hormones, to the level of stress experienced now or in the past, to how much support a mother has to help care for her baby. What we do know is that this is not their fault.

One size does not fit all – there are all kinds of symptoms a mother may (or may not) experience in the period during pregnancy and after birth. These include:
· Sadness
· Mood swings
· Difficulty concentrating
· Irritation or anger (with yourself and/or those around you)
· Lack of interest in things you used to enjoy
· Sleep and appetite changes
· Panic attacks
· Excessive worry about your baby
· Disturbing thoughts about harming yourself or your baby
· Mania
· Racing thoughts
· Panic attacks
· Headaches and stomach problems
· Guilt
· Feeling like you should never have become a mother or that you won’t be able to do it
· Delusions or hallucinations

(For more information on each illness and its symptoms, visit the Postpartum Support International website at http://www.postpartum.net/brief.html )

If you believe you have symptoms of a perinatal disorder, I encourage you to seek help. If your wife, daughter, friend or family member shows signs, please support them, help out however you can, and ENCOURAGE them to seek help. There is no good reason to delay reaching out for help. Many studies show that both the physical and emotional health of women who go untreated, and their children, are negatively impacted over the long term. You deserve to be healthy, and your child needs a healthy mom.

Lastly, there is a key piece of legislation under review right now called the MOTHER's Act, sponsored in part by the mother of Melanie Blocker Stokes, a new mom who lost her life to post-partum depression. This new legislation encourages more research, funding and support for perinatal disorders, and in particular supports screening of new moms to help catch these disorders earlier and more effectively.

Many moms don't realize that what they're feeling is not normal. They think that everyone struggles through the pregnancy and new-mom phase, which is true, but they don't realize the extent to which they are suffering is NOT normal. It is difficult for new moms to know where to turn today - their OBs are often unaware or ill-equipped to recognize or diagnose perinatal disorders, their family doctors are frequently in the same boat, and the stigma that surrounds these diseases prevents them from reaching out for help.

Please, for the moms in your life, I ask you click here to read about the Mother's Act, and if you see fit, to sign your support for it and help this important piece of legislature pass.

Christmas in July

I went to see Hayden at lunch today, as I often do, and when I walked into the room and she heard my voice, her little head whipped around and she broke into a huge, gummy grin. Her arms started flying and her feet began thumping the bouncer she was in and she blew green bean-coated spit bubbles all over her bib and she let out a huge toot. How freaking cool is that, to have someone love you so much that they get so excited they totally lose control of their bodily functions and simultaneously spray their meal everywhere trying to greet you? Granted, it wouldn't be nearly as cute if, say, your friends did that when you visited, but I can't tell you what a goopy puddle my heart melts into whenever Hayden sees me. That look of sheer delight in her eye, the happy squeals and excited wriggling is so unabashed, so honest and complete in their acknowledgement that I am her mother, her first true love, it just breaks and swells my heart at the same time.

I'm not trying to sugarcoat motherhood. This is a wonderful gift, but such a hard gift sometimes. There are days I am numb from lack of sleep, times that I'm a crabby wretch to my poor husband, who is also learning these new rules we play by. There are moments that I'm terrified - not knowing what to do for her, and instants of sheer frustration and the unending mound of work that now constantly lays before me.


Despite all the difficulties, tears, and challenges this gift has brought, I can't help but think how lucky and blessed I am. Every time I come in to daycare to pick her up, or get her out of her crib in the morning, or look in the rearview mirror and see that sweet angelic face, I feel just like a kid at Christmas. I can't believe how LUCKY I am to get to take that sweet doll home with me. To cuddle her up in my arms and bury my face in her chubby little neck and breathe in that lovely baby smell. To kiss her cheeks, tickle her feet, squeeze her to me and know that she is mine, and better yet, I am hers. All hers. I am her mother. The one God picked to guard and guide as she grows.


That feeling is why we do this, I feel sure. That feeling is what I yearned for over the years when I saw mothers and babies smiling at one another. That is the piece of my soul that has been fulfilled by Hayden, just as there was a piece fulfilled when I met and married Chris. I have been made more than I was, more whole by becoming her mother.

Happy Fourth of July!

We celebrated the 4th this year by joining the Jasper city parade in our Hudson. The theme of the parade was "Everyday Heros in America", and our car really fit the bill, I think. It is 100 years old this year and is a great example of the pioneering spirit of early America and a testament to our forefathers' engineering ingenuity.

Hayden had a blast riding in my lap as I tossed candy and waved to the crowds and Chris honked for the kiddies. Our description of the car surprised the announcer when he read that this vintage machine could reach 50 mph! (We even have the speed marked on our speedometer to prove it!)

Throughout the parade, we heard people shouting "Hayden, Hayden!" and saw many friends and co-workers trying valiantly to get our wee one to look their way. Alas, she paid them no mind, sitting quietly in my lap the entire time. Of course, as we rounded the final turn, I discovered why Hayden was so patient along our route. She'd discovered a pack of Sweettarts and was hurridly trying to suck through the paper to get to the tangy candies inside. Thank goodness I figured her activities out before she was successful!